


A Touchy Subject All Around

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Canon, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-12
Updated: 2005-01-01
Packaged: 2018-12-27 11:45:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12080406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian feels like its his fate to follow another man's footsteps.  Justin realizes Jack's ghost probably won't ever fully go away.  Brian lays down some child care rules for Mel and Linds.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

“Jesus Christ Gus I told you ten times!” Brian exclaimed as a loud crash signaled a favorite, not that he’d admit it had any sentimental value, vase. He stormed over to his son the anger stemming from worry more than anything. 

Gus stared to his father then to the broken glass then back to his father getting closer and closer with the most angry face Brian had ever allowed himself to wear in front of Gus.

Justin watched, stepped away from his easel, Brian’s name with a warning to calm down on his lips. He had no fear that Brian would hurt his little boy. The man would sooner cut off his surviving ball than do that, but Brian’s anger could be frightening. It obviously was frightening based on Gus’ face. He watched feeling unable to speak as Brian swooped down picking Gus up to take him away from the broken glass, and winced as the young boy screamed out in fear.

“Daddy don hurt me! I DIN MEAN TOO!” The boy screeched tears dripping down his little cheeks. Brian set him down abruptly, though a safe distance from the glass, as though the boy were burning to the touch. Anger had completely vanished from his stance, defeat took over. Justin rubbed his face chest tightening. Or this could happen.

“Bri . . .” He started as the boy continued to sob and Brian stared.

“Gus . . . Gussy you know daddy wouldn’t hurt you don’t you?”

The little boy made a decidedly wet noise into his shirt sleeve, and looked up at his daddy with the man’s own eyes.

“I dus don’t wan a panking!” The little boy wailed. “I sowwy daddy! I weally am!”

Brian looked like he’d been shot. “Baby I wouldn’t . . . do your mommies spank you Gus?”

“Own-ee when I weally don list’n.” The boy sniffled. Brian’s eyes darkened.

‘Shit.’ Justin’s hand found his hair as he watched the car accident happen right before his eyes. This was going to be a huge fight.

Brian got on his knees in front of Gus, and kissed his forehead. “Daddy will never hurt you. Never.”

Gus looked at his daddy. “When you get weally mad sometimes I fink you wiw.” He sniffled.

Brian pulled his lips into his mouth then shook his head kissing his sons forehead. “I wouldn’t.” He whispered more to himself than to Gus. He stood abruptly. “Um . . . watch cartoons for a little while huh Gus? Justin’s gonna clean that up?” Brian looked to Justin with questioning eyes. Justin nodded. ‘Whatever you need.’

“Daddy will be back.” Brian told kissing the little boy’s hair again before trudging out without regard to the “Daddy!?” or “Brian.” called in his direction.

It took Gus about a minute to begin bellowing all over again. This time Justin had gathered his wits enough to go to the small boy. Gus allowed Justin to lift him and snuggled into his shoulder continuing his heartbroken sobs.

“Daddy is so angwy at me!” He sobbed.

Justin sighed rocking the little boy. “No Gus, no, daddy isn’t angry with you at all.” Justin whispered.

“He weaved ‘cause I was bad!”

“No, Gus, Daddy forgot something at work.” How could he explain a ‘bad daddy’ complex to a four year old?

“Nuh uh.” The little boy sniffled. Justin smiled and huffed a small laugh despite himself. This kid was defiantly Brian’s.

“Daddy is just a little sad that you thought he would hit you.” 

“I saught I’d get a spankin’ cause I was bad.” The boy said as though everyone should understand that.

“Daddy doesn’t think little boys or girls should get spankings.” Justin explained taking the slowly calming child to the couch, and sitting with the boy in his arms.

“Wots of kids a’my school get dem when dere weally bad.”

Justin kind of thought that way too before, Brian, but his lover had given him a whole new look on even the mildest of abuse.

“Uhm . . . does daddy ever tell you about when he was little?”

Gus shook his head then perked a little. “I wook dus wike him!” He said proudly.

Justin smiled. “Yes you do, but you and daddy have very different parents.”

“I sink I got different parents den everwybody.” Gus said matter of factly, and Justin couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well you’re right, but . . . you know that your mommies and daddy and I, we really love you a whole bunch right?”

The little boy nodded.

Justin nodded too. “Daddy didn’t know if his mommy and daddy loved him.”

“How come?” The little boy asked, voice raised.

Justin smiled wiping a small tear. “Bubby?” Gus asked.

“Your daddy’s daddy, your grandfather, he wasn’t like daddy is with you, Gus. He wasn’t fun. He didn’t like to play with daddy.”

The little boy was upset again. “How come?”

Justin didn’t know what he was allowed to say. He didn’t want to confuse Gus, but he wanted to ease the child’s worry.

“He wasn’t a very good daddy. He liked to spank your daddy a lot. More than he should have.”

“Was daddy weally bad?” Gus asked all his attention wrapped into trying to solve this puzzle.

Justin wiped another tear. “No.” He whispered sadly. “Daddy was a very good, smart little boy.”

“Why did he get panked!?” Gus cried.

Justin sighed rubbing Gus’ back. “Calm down for bubby ok Gus? This was a long time ago.”

“How come his mommy didn’t say ‘top it!’?”

“I don’t know, Gus. Sometimes mommies and daddies don’t know how to be mommies and daddies, and they do bad things.”

“Not mine!” Gus said resolutely.

“No, not yours, your parents love you more than anything. They’re very good parents.” Justin agreed feeling embarrassed that he couldn’t keep it together as he wiped his eyes again. Thoughts of a child identical to Gus getting the shit beat out of him just for living was just so painful. “But sometimes daddy gets scared that he isn’t a good daddy.” Justin had given up hope of not crossing the line. Brian would probably chew him out for this whole conversation later, but Gus needed to hear something.

“Daddy is gweat!” Gus exclaimed. “I wuv my daddy more dan da moon!”

Justin chuckled. “I know Gus. Daddy just worries that he’ll be like his mommy and daddy, and he was sad that you thought he would spank you.”

“Bubby I di’nt mean to.”

“Honey it’s not your fault at all. It’s no body’s fault daddy thinks like that sometimes.” ‘Fuck you Jack Kinney you sick fucking bastard.’ “He just needed to go for a walk to feel better.” ‘Please just go for a walk.’ “He’s not angry with you I promise Gus, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Justin looked at the vase. “Well . . .”

Gus looked to the vase, and then to Justin guiltily. “I’w wisten to daddy next time, I pwomise.”

“Alright. You can watch cartoons while I clean up, but you’re going to bed a half hour early tonight. Got it Mr.?”

The little boy nodded. “I’m berry happy you and daddy are my daddies.” The little boy told hugging Justin tight. Justin held on for dear life.

“Me too, sweetheart.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Brian slid the door open at two o’ clock and walked quietly in, stone cold sober. He sat at the bar for hours drinking ginger ale thinking how fucking typical it would be of Jack Kinney to fuck up then stumble in incoherent hours later just to make things worse. That’d put a quick end to his normal pain management.

He looked up to see Justin standing on the bottom step of the bedroom arms crossed. He sighed. He left Justin with a sobbing child, and a huge mess of glass shards to clean up. He felt exhausted. He didn’t have the strength to fight.

“It was hell putting him to sleep.” Justin told briskly. “He wanted his daddy. He was scared to death something bad happened to you.” He paused stepping down the stairs. “So was I.”

Brian nodded and thought about it for a moment. “Sorry.” He whispered with a shrug. “I suck.”

Justin saw the reddened eyes, and knew he wouldn’t stay mad. He hadn’t been angry anyways when he left. It was when he failed to come home or answer his cell phone he’d become angry . . . worried.

“You don’t suck.” Justin whispered walking to the rigid man. He became impossibly tenser when Justin touched him. “Hey I meant in the non positive life affirming way. You suck fine in bed.”

“Har har.” Brian scoffed, but his tense muscles let go a bit.

“I’m trying to lighten things up a little . . . give me a break.” Justin whispered kissing Brian’s chin tentatively. 

“I uh . . . sorry I left you with him.”

“I’m his father too, Brian, you said so yourself. I can watch him.”

“And the mess . . .” Brian finished looking around the clean space.

Justin guided his lover’s eyes to his. “You ok?”

Brian stared at his lover’s blue eyes for a moment. “Just . . . shook me. He looked like I used to feel.”

Justin rubbed his arm. “He just didn’t want a spanking, Brian, it wasn’t you. The way he looks at you couldn’t be farther than how you looked at . . .”

“You cut yourself?” Brian interrupted seeing a bandage around Justin’s left hand at just the perfect time to cut off something too sensitive to talk about right now.

Justin accepted it and looked at his hand with a small scoff. “Of course I did.”

Brian took his hand and kissed the bandage.

“It’s not bad Brian. I’m fine. He’s fine. He was more upset that you were angry with him.”

“It’s just a vase. I’ll get over it.”

“Well, hun, he doesn’t realize that.” Justin said with a small smile. “He doesn’t get the degrees of anger, Brian, he just knows daddy was angry and then he left.”

“See. I suck.”

“Stop it. You’re a fucking great father. The only time you’re less than perfect is when you start doubting it.”

“I’m gonna have to talk to Melanie and Lindsay in the morning.” He said instead of replying, but Justin knew he’d heard him.

Justin nodded. “We will together. You just godda try not to start on the defensive ok?”

“There’s another way?”

“Most people try to state their complaints politely and see if something can be decided without arguments before yelling.”

Brian rubbed the back of Justin’s neck pulling him in for a kiss. “Fucking WASP.”

Justin laughed into the kiss. 

“Y’ok?” He asked seriously when they pulled apart.

“I’ll live.” Brian said with a nod.

Justin took his hand. “C’mon.”

Getting into bed on their respective sides next to Gus the young boy stirred, and smiled sleepily at his daddy lifting his arms to be held. Brian obliged gladly.

“I’m sowwy I bwoke da vase daddy.”

“That’s ok, Gus. Just listen to daddy next time ok?” The boy nodded. “I’m sorry I scared you, Sonny boy, I’d never hurt you, though, ok?”

Gus nodded sleepily. “Cause your da best daddy ever.” He whispered drifting back to slumber.

Justin watched his lover with half lidded eyes. The man beamed. ‘That should convince you more than I ever could.’


	2. A Touchy Subject All Around

“He practically begged me not to spank him. The kid sounded like he was begging for his life.” Brian told the two women when they came to retrieve their son the following day.

“Did you spank him?” Lindsay asked thinking this conversation was how Gus had been out of hand. She had to admit she thought he was over reacting a bit. Children broke things sometimes it wasn’t as though he’d had an evil plan to do so.

“Of course I didn’t fucking spank him.” Brian tried to keep his voice calm.

Both women looked up from packing Gus’ things realizing what this conversation had just turned into.

“Brian . . .” Lindsay started, making sure Gus was still playing with his cars on his daddy’s bed and out of ear shot.

“You didn’t even tell me you’d decided you were going to do that.”

“Brian, it wasn’t a decision really . . . he just was acting out one day and . . . he got spanked.” Mel explained she wanted to be defensive, but even she felt guilty. She felt like maybe they’d left Brian out on purpose knowing where he would come from.

“Just like that? He spills his milk and *whap!*”

“Brian calm down.” Justin soothed taking his lover’s arm. He wasn’t going to input until the discussion called for him. His main motive was to be there for Brian, to support him, and to keep him from turning into mad man Kinney.

“That’s not it at all, Brian!” Lindsay exclaimed. “He has to do something very bad that could hurt him or someone else, or do something repeatedly before we spank him. It’s the last resort.”

“Oh well at least there’s conditions.”

“You make it sound like its child abuse.”

“Probably because I think it is!” Brian exclaimed like he really wasn’t expecting himself to say it. He touched his fingers to his lips, and looked away from the two women.

“Brian . . .” 

“I don’t want you to spank him.”

“Brian I know this is a touchy subject for you, but . . .”

“No you don’t.” He said calmly. “You don’t know anything about it. I don’t want you to spank him. You said yourself I would have an input on how he was raised.”

“You’re not asking Brian you’re commanding.” Melanie sighed rubbing her forehead. They still had to pick up Jenny, which meant dealing with Michael and undoubtedly Debbie, and whoever else happened to be there before they could get home.

“Well you didn’t ask me when you started doing it.”

There was a defeated silence for a few moments the two men looking at the two women.

“It’s just . . . its just a spanking, Brian.” Lindsay argued weakly.

“Justin, did you ever get spanked?” Brian asked switching gears.

Justin’s brow rose, confused. “Yea . . .”

“Ever on a holiday?”

Justin didn’t even take a half minute to answer. “Yea I got one one Christmas I think I was like six or something . . . my cousin Jill was still a baby I remember it made her cry.”

“What’d you get for Christmas that year?”

Justin’s eyebrows knit not really following. “I dunno. I don’t remember.”

“Huh . . . Mel you ever get spanked?”

“Yea, of course.” She replied sounding as though she didn’t really think this had relevance to the conversation.

“What was the worst one?”

“Just . . . in the living room in front of the TV . . . Lassie was on. It was my dad he was not happy.”

“What’d you do?”

Melanie dug into her memories, but couldn’t pull up anything. She sighed. “I don’t know . . .”

“Bri?” Lindsay started, but was interrupted. 

“How can it be ok to do this when you remember exactly what baby was crying, and what show was on TV while you were getting hit nearly twenty years ago, but you can’t remember any of Christmas day, which is pretty fucking unforgettable for a six year old, or why ever the fuck it was you were being spanked in the first place?” Brian asked, voice stretched. He didn’t want them hitting his son. 

There was more silence. None of them, not even Justin, had ever seen it that way.

“I don’t want you to spank him.” Brian repeated. He sounded almost desperate.

Lindsay and Melanie looked at each other. The look was much the same as the one Justin and Brian had adopted when relaying their thoughts to one another without words. Seemingly years of being together eventually morphed into ESP. 

“Ok . . .” Lindsay whispered after a moment.

“No more spankings.” Mel finished holding her hands up. She felt surprisingly no loss at conceding to Brian. 

The man looked to both the women and smiled softly. “Thank you.”

“I’m sure we can work around it easy enough.” Lindsay said optimistically. “It’s not like either of us were happy to do it.”

“Right.” Mel nodded. “No dessert, a missed play date, earlier bed time . . . shit those might work better than a spanking anyways . . .” 

Justin laughed. “I know I’d be good.”

Brian smiled at Lindsay as Melanie and Justin quickly slid out of the tense conversation into some silly talk about how Justin wouldn’t mind the spanking anyways.

“You hate me?” He asked quietly looking uncharacteristically shy.

Lindsay smiled. “Of course I don’t hate you. I love you, and I love how you love him. How you protect him.”

“He’s my little boy.” Brian said so quietly.

She kissed his cheek. “Yea.”

“Daddy?”

“Speaking of.” Brian said with a smile looking down to the little boy tugging at his pant leg. 

“Issit time ta go to my house?”

Brian lifted the little boy, Justin coming over to see his little one.

“It is Sonny boy.”

The little boy snuggled his father sticking out his hand for his bubby to hold. “I’w miss you.”

“You’ll see us soon.” Justin promised rubbing his back.

“An I won touch da glass dis time I pwomise!”

Brian chuckled. “That’s right you wont or its no dessert, and an hour early to bed.”

Gus’ eyes got huge. “Daddy dats a lot!”

Justin chuckled taking the little boy for some snuggles of his own. “That’s right because it’s a big no no.”

“Den I’w nefer do dat again.”

“Well we’re off to a good start then, Lambskin.” Linds chuckled taking the boy and helping him into his coat. “Give your kisses and say your love yous!”

Gus gave big sloppy kisses to his daddies before smiling his irresistible Kinney smile.

“Wub you bubby, wub you daddy.”

“Love you too, Gus.” They said in unison as the girls let themselves out.

Justin took Brian’s hand with a smile as the door was shut behind their exiting friends. He kissed the taller man softly smiling all the while.

“You looked pleased.” Brian whispered.

“I just found out I’m dating the best guy on the planet.” Justin told smiling wider.

“Well that IS good news.” Brian chuckled.

“You know what else?” 

“Hm?”

“He’s also the world’s best daddy.” Justin told smiling softly and looking right into Brian’s soul. The man smiled almost steadily for two days.


End file.
